5 Common Questions About Surrogacy from Gay Couple Parents
You’ve found the love of your life, and it’s time to start your family! You and your significant other have been discussing starting a family using a surrogate. As a gay couple, you have some very different questions about surrogacy. Here are 5 common questions about surrogacy from the gay community:
1. Does it matter what state we are in? Does it matter what state our surrogate is in?
Step one (Very, very, important!) when considering surrogacy is to always consult an attorney that is knowledgeable in surrogacy and assisted reproductive technology law. An attorney will be able to help you through the laws and procedures to guide you on the road to becoming parents, both in the state you live and where your surrogate lives. Sadly, there are some states surrogacy is prohibited or establishing parentage will be more difficult, but there are also many states where there are friendly laws or courts.
2. What if my surrogate (or her family) is not being gay friendly?
A good way to not run into this problem is to really vet out you surrogate and her family. If you are choosing to use an agency, the agency will likely have already screened for this, but it does not hurt to ask again. If you choose to self-match, do not be scared to ask all the hard questions of your surrogate. And always make sure you have a gestational carrier agreement that has been negotiated by your lawyer and the surrogate’s lawyer to make sure you (and your surrogate) are protected.
3. Who, if either, will be the biological parent?
With surrogacy you have the chance to be genetically related to you baby. Is it important to analyze for yourself if it matters if one, or both, of you are genetically related and one is not. Some decide that genetic relation is not important and use donated embryos. Gay male couples can ask their fertility clinic to mix sperm samples so that genetic relationship could be left unknown. You can use one partner’s egg or sperm for one embryo and the others egg or sperm for a second embryo, and even transfer two embryos at the same time. You can also do a sibling journeys with the second embryo. You have so many options
4. Should we have twins or triplets? Or stick with a singleton pregnancy?
A expensive as surrogacy is, and for couples who know they want more than one child, the idea of twins can be very convenient. Reproductive endocrinologists (REs) recommend that only one embryo be transferred, because singleton pregnancies are most likely to be the healthiest for both the baby and for the surrogate. Twins can also more expensive in terms of healthcare costs than singleton pregnancies and deliveries. REs will work with couples who are looking to have twins, so always be sure to talk with your doctor! A great alternative is to have two surrogates that transfer at substantially similar times, having a “twibling” journey!
5. Will both of our names be on the birth certificate?
If your surrogate gives birth to your baby in a state that is surrogacy friendly YES, ABSOLUTELY, both your names will be on the birth certificate! Washington and Oregon both fall into that category! In surrogacy friendly states, a pre-birth order (PBO) is filed on your behalf by your attorney, and that will make you and your partner the parents who will be listed on the birth certificate. As in step one, ALWAYS be sure you consult an attorney about the rules about PBOs in your state.
Best wishes to you on your journey to parenthood! If you have questions about the surrogacy process or about the laws regarding surrogacy in your state, you can reach out to us at email@example.com.